Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Self Talk

Another way we fall into the trap of negativity is through negative self talk.  We are essentially our own worse enemy as we are our worst critic.  People say things to and about themselves that they would never dream of saying to a friend.  For example if your friend lost her key, would you call her an idiot and ask her how she could be so dumb?  No!  If you did, you wouldn't have a friend for very long.  So why do we talk to ourselves this way?  It's cruel and unusual punishment to subject our self too.

It's time to stop and watch, a lot of the times we do it without even noticing.  Start to take notice, that is the first step.  Notice every time you say something negative to or about yourself, either in your head or out loud.  Once you notice it, say thank you brain but I don't need that (or your own version).  I like to put my negative self thoughts on dragon flies and watch them fly off.  Then insert a positive thought, something kinder and much gentler.  More along the lines of what you would say to a friend or loved one.  With enough practice you will retrain your Brain to be kinder and more loving to you.  

If you need help, ask your friends and family to catch you, you can do the same for them.  It can be a game of sorts. ""Ha ha, that was negative self talk, rephrase it.""  Laugh about it as it really is silly when you think about it.  The most important thing as that you become kinder and gentler with yourself, no matter the method you use.  I have been practicing this for four years and still just the other day I caught myself doing it.  You may think, wow four years and she still does it.  Yes but the important part is I noticed it as soon as it was out of my mouth and I re framed it.  Soon your negative thoughts will stick out like a sore thumb and you will know they don't belong.

It is also good to practice saying kinder things to yourself.  There are many ways to do this; write it down and repeat it,  post it where you will see it the most, use it as a meditation mantra.  I personally like using Mala beads and repeat over and over with each bead what I need to practice.  Have lot's but really focus on the one you need the most.  For me, I needed to practice I am loved so I worked with that one on my mala for months (three usually works, sometimes less, sometimes more).  I also have others on colourful shapes around my apartment.  For example, I am beautiful, I am smart, I am worthy...etc.  If you put real effort into this it can change your life.

Another important way to stay positive is to stop pointing out things that are wrong; I have a headache, I'm tires, my back hurts.  Saying these things only perputates the problem and no one wants to hear it.  Instead of focusing on what hurts, (we all have it and we're all tired) focus on what is good.  Your ankle hurts, say wow my head feels great today.  Your tired, say wow I have enough energy to finish my work day, that's great.  Focus on the good and you will notice a lot of those aches and pains and fatigue will melt away.  Plus people won't dred hearing you complain about how tired you are or how much your back hurts.  It's too heavy and people will either distance themselves from you or tune you out.  Neither are good for maintaining healthy relationships.  So tell them what is good that day, hour, minute.  Your feet hurt, say wow, my feet did a great job of carrying me through my day today, thanks feet.  Sounds corny but it works.  

Bottom line, be kinder to yourself, gentler with yourself and much more loving of yourself.  You will feel better for your efforts.  

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